Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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