Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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