You smell like a Billy Joel song
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
