i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
