Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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