Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
someone owes me an orgasm
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
