I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Randomize
