Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
