I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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