The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
