Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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