I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
