After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
