I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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