Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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