she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
