So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
