no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
