Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
