I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
