how can u be prego again
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
