At least make sure they are 18
Why
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
