oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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