every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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