I love black thongs
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
