i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
