I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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