After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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