atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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