We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
