I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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