the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Alive.
So much puke
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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