i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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