I just saw a hot homeless man
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
