I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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