Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
