Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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