Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
