I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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