She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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