Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Found the puke drawer
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
