I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
bring money and cleavage
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
