He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
