Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
