**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
