so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
