Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
