Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
