Need sex. Gaining weight.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
