yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Is it because I queefed?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
