Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
